The other day I met my friend’s new baby; she was absolutely beautiful. The poor thing had a heck of time learning to nurse. Luckily, with help from a lactation specialist and pumping for a little while, the sweet baby learned to nurse and everything seems to be working out.
If we’re being honest here, I felt some heartache that her baby was able to nurse when my guy could never figure it out and had to be on a bottle. I doubted everything I had done to try to help him. Could I have done more? Did I give up too quickly? I’m so happy for my friend, but I was sad for me.
I love nursing. Yes, there are some super convenient things about the bottle like being able to leave the baby home and giving the baby a bottle in the car, but I love the bonding I get with my baby while nursing and I actually had intentions to nurse this bonus baby for a long time.
However, I have had to accept what is, instead of focusing on what I wish would have happened. There is definitely a time period where one needs to process some negative emotions such as grief, sadness, or even anger, but eventually if you ever want to be happy or have peace in your life, you have to accept that some situations are out of your control and accept that one of the only things you have control over is you and how you respond.
I can’t remember where I heard this thought, but I love it; instead of thinking, "this happened TO me", try changing it to, "this happened FOR me.” The first one makes me sound powerless and even feel powerless. The second thought of, “this happened for me” changes it to help with growth. This happened for me so that I can grow, so I can be a better person, I can have empathy for those who have gone through similar situations, and other positive thoughts.
It would be great if I could say that this has always come easy for me, but it hasn’t. I went through some hard things and if someone had told me then that those experiences happened for me, I would have punched them in the face. It took me a lot of years, therapy, research, prayers, tears... you get the picture, to finally get to a place of peace.
Learning to accept what is, instead of living with what I wish would be, is a much more useful thought and creates a lot more peace in your life.