Baby Blues and Depression

I had baby blues with my first five babies, but on lucky number six, I didn't have any!! I attributed it to having a home birth. Oh, silly me, I'm so naive at times. I figured I wouldn't have any blues with number seven because he was born at home too. Ha! 

Not only did I get the blues, but I got it really bad. My baby can't nurse, which of course I took as a personal insult. What kind of hippie am I if I don't breast feed my baby? At his two week check up he had lost a pound; he looked emaciated and was crying ALL the time. 

I had to give him a bottle. I hated it. I loathed it. I ugly cried so many times. But, my baby didn't know how stubborn I am; I could get him to nurse!! So, in between ugly crying and sleep deprivation I hauled him to a lactation specialist. The problem wasn't me, she even complimented me on my, uh, nice nursing parts. :) The problem was him. He is a bit lip and tongue tied, his jaw is too tight, he can't latch on, his palette is too high...and so on. She suggested I take him to a baby chiropractor, so I did. She also suggested that I pump eight times a day and try to make him nurse as much as I can, then bottle feed him so that he's actually getting fed.

Ok, let me get this straight. I am going on little to no sleep each night. In the day time I need to pump 15 minutes, eight times a day. Try to nurse him, which takes about 45 minutes, and then bottle feed him, which takes about another 30 minutes. Then, with all that going on, drive to a baby chiropractor three times a week. Don't forget to keep feeding your family and do school with your big kids...

Unsurprisingly, I hit my breaking point. It was on a Sunday and I completely lost it. I went for a drive, hoping someone would crash into me, so I wouldn't have to do this anymore. That's not a good place to be. I eventually came home and ugly cried even more.

My dear, sweet husband just held me. We had to make a plan and do something different because what I was doing obviously wasn't working.

The chiropractor was helping, but it could to go. Pumping, it could go too. Giving my baby a bottle, is necessary. He will nurse AKA using me as a binki, so enjoy it as long as I can. 

We also ordered Serotonin drops. Serotonin is believed to help mood and feelings of well-being. I'm not going to get on my soap box about antidepressants. I will say that years ago I was prescribed them and it made matters much worse, so they are not an option for me. I also started an essential oil regimen designed to lift your mood. I would lather myself in them several times a day. They are blends that have a lot of oils, but some of them include: frankincense, ylang ylang, wild orange, vetiver, and many other ones. 

Another thing, for me, is exercise. It clears my head and is good for my soul. My husband also would drag me out of the house when I started to get low again. 

Things are starting to get better. My baby is starting to sleep, which is a huge help, and I'm coming to terms that he has to be bottle fed. I will let him use me as a binki as long as I can, but I can tell my days are numbered.

Here is a picture at the height of my craziness. I'm pumping while bottle feeding my baby. Good times. My face says it all.