I don’t think there is a person out there that would tell you that holding a grudge is going to serve you in any way. If they are, you probably shouldn’t be listening to them. You always hear about forgiving others when you feel they wronged you.
I have a crazy thought.
What about being able to see the person accurately, as an imperfect human? They could be scared, struggling, hurting, and acting out. What if you saw them as a person trying to figure out life and that they are a work in progress, just like you?
What kind of difference could that make? You would never need to forgive anyone because you would never feel wronged. Mind blown! Ok, maybe just my mind was blown. I didn’t even think that was a possibility. How empowering it feels to know that no one can make you feel a certain way!
I can already hear what you’re saying, "What if someone did something really terrible to you?" We’re talking about abuse, in all forms, an unfaithful spouse, and I’m sure you can think of hundreds of other awful things that you may feel you need someone to apologize to you so that you can feel better.
I used to feel that way. I had lots of really great reasons why I was owed an apology. I just knew that if this person would say sorry that all my old wounds would magically be healed. Here’s the thing, even if someone gives you the perfect apology, you won’t feel better. Not until you change your thoughts will you feel better.
It’s easy to change your thoughts, you just do it. The tricky part is constantly changing your thoughts so you no longer believe the old ones. You have probably created some big ruts that keep you unhappy and stuck in your negative thoughts; you have to consciously choose to create new thoughts and then you will not only feel happy you will be happy.